


Nuance

by JudeAraya



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Banter, Dirty Talk, Established Relationship, Fail!sex, Lingerie, M/M, Smut, as some lovers do, dan incoherently trying to talk about feelings, don't worry they get it really right in the end, how is that not a tag?, jude can't do smut without like feelings and character stuff i guess, like a spank or two, unironic use of the word boner, yep i'm a poet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:42:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22158781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JudeAraya/pseuds/JudeAraya
Summary: Dan's plan to surprise Phil with something sexy goes a little sideways.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 10
Kudos: 90
Collections: Jestbee's Birthday Fics 2020





	Nuance

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jestbee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jestbee/gifts).



> Happy Birthday [Jane](https://jestbee.tumblr.com/)! 
> 
> Yeah, wow. That took an unexpected village. 
> 
> Thank you to [cat](https://karcathy.tumblr.com/) for responding to my wailing cry "i need a smutty brit-picking beta because Jane *is* my smutty beta!" and helping make sense of the nonsense I'd written. Thank you to [Jen](https://det395.tumblr.com/) for being so in tune with my robot humor that when the very next day I cried “it's not funny if it doesn't make sense!!" she ducked a flying pizza and took one for the team to help me understand my own writing. Thanks to [puddle](https://intoapuddle.tumblr.com/) for organizing this and for sparking this idea as incoherently rambled about the need for more fail!sex fic and also, wouldn't dan be cracking hot in some thigh-highs? 
> 
> If you sensed a strong theme, yes, the first and second draft were written whilst I was in an intense sleep deprived spiral. The third and beyond were not. All were supported by the WWC who embrace my true form as a chaos demon robot remote control.

“Dan, I ha...” Phil dropped his bottle of water. “Wha—I thought we were— _Jesus_.” 

“Is that the best you can do?” Dan said. He bit his lip, running one foot up his calf, uncrossing his legs slowly. The susurration of his stockings sliding together shivered up his spine, bringing goosebumps up along his arms. 

“Dan,” Phil said, weakly. Dan grinned, planting the balls of his feet on the floor, knees spread just enough that the skirt he was wearing fell to drape between them. It was short enough to show off the lace edge of each thigh-high, the taut elastic of the garter belt pulling against the soft give of his hips. “I thought we were going to watch—”

“Phil, really?” Dan scooted forward, spreading his legs a little more. He wasn’t even naked and Phil was already sex-stupid. Which was flattering, but Dan hadn’t strapped himself into this get-up, poked himself in the eye with eyeliner, and fussed with his hair for twenty minutes, only to have Phil fall apart _before_ he’d even gotten fucked properly. 

“Yeah, uh, sorry. _Wow_ ,” Phil said, starting toward Dan. Of course, being so utterly _Phil_ , he tripped on the water bottle he’d just dropped. Dan tried not to laugh, honestly. He turned his face into his shoulder to hide his smile. It wouldn’t do to laugh just now. After all, he was going for a _mood_. But then Phil was laughing too, setting his skewed glasses to right, untangling his too-long limbs on the floor. He crawled over to Dan, and maybe someone else could have pulled off a sexy crawl under the circumstances. But it was _Phil_ and Dan just couldn’t take him seriously after he’d managed trip on the only thing on the floor in a flailing mass of limbs. Try as he might, Dan could barely hold back his giggles. 

Undeterred, Phil continued until he was kneeling at Dan’s feet, running his hands up the back of his calves. 

“What’s all this, then?” he asked. His thumbs pressed behind Dan’s knees, hard. Dan gasped and closed his eyes. The possessiveness of the touch, especially when Phil jerked him closer to the edge of the bed and pulled his knees apart to settle between them, curled up hot in his belly, chasing away the urge to laugh. Dan had played with sexy get-ups before, but never like this, never so all-out. Dan knew he looked good; he’d certainly spent long enough examining every aspect of the look in their full length mirror assuring himself of it. He knew it was guaranteed to make Phil fall apart because he definitely went in for this sort of thing. Knowing that was unbearably sexy; it made Dan feel confident, powerful. There were parts of himself he’d waited years to enjoy so unabashedly; having Phil enjoy them with him made everything even better, easier. 

What wasn’t as powerful, sexy or good was the way Phil winced as he shuffled forward on his knees. 

“You all right, old man?”  
Phil’s hands froze halfway up the inside of Dan’s thighs when Dan spoke. _Shit_. Phil wasn’t always sensitive about his age, but with a birthday around the corner he did tend to be a bit touchy. 

“Fuck, sorry,” Dan said, caught somewhere between painfully turned on and flaberghasted at his stupidity. “I didn’t mean—of course you—”

“Dan.”

“No! Y-you—”

“—Dan—”

“—are as fresh as a spring daisy!” 

Dan closed his eyes at the stunned silence and barely, _barely_ resisted facepalming because, _what the actual fuck_?

He opened his eyes when Phil gasped, aghast that he might have really upset him, only to find Phil doubling over in silent laughter. 

“Ohmygod, no, stop,” Dan said, horrified to find that his earlier giggles were coming back full-force. Within seconds he’d escalated to full-on braying laughter, the kind he hated. Phil was face first against Dan’s thigh, only in the least sexy way possible. Like, the laughing so hard Dan would be _shocked_ if he wasn’t being drooled on, kind of laughter. 

There only existed a tiny list of reasons for which it was acceptable to be drooled on. This list pretty much exclusively included messy blow jobs and the best kind of snuggle sleep. Still gross, but acceptable for extenuating circumstances. 

“Stop, Phil, y-you ha—” Dan couldn’t even breathe for how hard he was laughing. Phil was slumping uselessly onto the ground. 

“And h-here you got,” Phil gasped out, “all tarted up for me—” 

“—tarted up!” Dan shrieked. 

“Only to accuse me of erectile dysfunction—”

“—I did no such—” 

“—my knees will never recover—” 

“—my abs, oh god it hurts. Phil you _actually_ have to stop!”

“I’m stopping, I’m stopping,” Phil said. 

He was not, in fact, stopping. 

Were Dan to time how long it took them to calm down, he might have been impressed. As soon as they’d gotten themselves under control, they’d make eye contact and crack themselves back up again. 

“Phil, we—” Dan tried, wiping tears from from the corners of his eyes.

“How are we literally failing at sex?” Phil asked, setting Dan off again. 

“I’ll never get myself into this again,” Dan wailed. “Do you know how hard it was to get this on?” Even though Phil was setting himself back between Dan’s knees, shushing him, he just couldn’t take himself, much less Phil seriously. “Oh, my god, this is useless. Can we just go watch _Bake Off_ already and bleach this from our brains?”

“No! You’re wearing”—Phil gesticulated wildly —“ _things_! There will be orgasms tonight or I’m calling in a refund.”

“Oi! A refund on what? I’m not some kind of call girl!”

“Mate, look at you.” 

“Rude! And offensive! Plus, you _know_ you like the skirt. Remember the time—” 

“Dan. _Focus_. Orgasms will be had. I refuse to walk away before this happens.” 

Dan’s face hurt he was smiling so hard. “Could you make it sound more like a chore? Is this on a checklist or something?”

“No, rat. But how else am I to make fun of your o-face if I don’t get you there?”

“Oh, I see now. I’m just some easy ass called in for a laugh,” Dan said tugging on Phil’s hair when he started laughing again. 

“Hey, you did the calling, I was innocently getting snacks!” 

“Ooh, what kin—no wait a second. What do you mean make fun of my o-face?! You’re meant to find it hot!” 

“Dan you have _got_ to stop reading fanfiction, no one looks good when they orgasm, it’s all weird faces. Worse than when I _try_ to make actual sexy faces.” 

“Soz, you might be right. That face is an instant boner killer.” 

“Did you really just use the word boner unironically?” 

“Yes. And if you’re so determined to make some orgasms happen, you better get yours up on this before _I’m_ too old to get one.” 

“ _Actually_ shut up,” Phil said, smiling even as he took Dan’s knees in hand and spread his legs again, “and let me suck your dick.”

Regardless of the banter, and of the utter fail they were at what was supposed to be a rather hot fuck (why else would Dan have put on thigh highs? Skirts were one thing but _christ_ stockings itched after a while), he was still mostly hard. It wouldn’t take much to get him back on board, provided they could pull themselves together.

“If you’re sucking my dick how do I get to see your o-face?”

Phil laughed and bit at the soft flesh just above the lace of Dan’s stocking where the garter clipped it on. “I thought we’d established we’re not in it for that,” Phil said.

Dan leaned back on his hands, whimpering softly as Phil made his way to the convex hollow where his thigh met his pelvis. “Babe, that was _you_ ,” he said. “I’ll have you know I’m rather fond of yours.” 

Phil stopped, staring over the rucked up mess of Dan’s skirt, eyes much too brilliant blue in the dimmed lights. “Unfair. How do you always do that?”

“Do what?” Dan forced himself to focus. Phil’s fingers were absently skirting over his balls and down to his taint. It was a touch like instinct, an _I’ve been fucking you for ten years and I’m so used to your body it’s almost mine_ kind of touch. 

“Say the loveliest things, in the middle of all this.” 

“I suppose it’s because I’m doomed to love you,” Dan said with a sigh. He flopped back down, tilting his hips, trying to get Phil’s hands to do something other than tease him with maddening slowness.

“I’ll have you know I was seriously considering flipping you over, chastising you for being naughty and spanking you.” Phil informed him. “Only you kept making me laugh!” 

It took a few seconds—okay maybe minutes—for Dan to reply, because of course, _of course_ , Phil chose that moment to actually get to the point, shocking him by suddenly taking him into his mouth, hot and wet and _deep_. 

“No one’s stopping you,” Dan said faintly, then moaned when Phil pressed the knuckles of his free hand behind his balls, hard like he liked it. 

“It wouldn’t be quite as romantic, yeah? ” Phil pulled off to speak, voice rough and low. 

“Phil,” Dan sat up. On his knees, still bracketed between Dan’s thighs, Phil was so beautiful and sexy it hurt. Love and desire throbbed hard in Dan’s cock and heart and belly. “Any way you fuck me is some kind of romantic. Especially when you stop talking and get to it already.” 

“It’s always romantic? Even when you ask me call you a dirty slut and I have to shove my hand in your filthy mouth because I can’t find anything to gag you with?” Phil smirked. 

“I’m not about to give you more things to get a big head about by feeding your ego,” Dan said. He was pulling Phil up then, hands under his armpits so he’d crawl onto the bed. Old man jokes aside, he really didn’t want Phil on his knees for that long. “So okay, I like you a whole lot even though you’ve the worst timing sometimes and I think I might murder you with a stray sock when I bash my head in on a cabinet door. Stop trying to making me say feelings stuff. Obviously I love you, I’m wearing this get up aren’t I?”

“I don’t know what you loving me has to do with it. You’d wear it anyway,” Phil said, pinching Dan’s ass, hard. “Shameless you are. I bet you’ve ten pictures of yourself on your phone right now.” 

“Well not to wank to! I needed to be sure I looked good from different angles!”

“Dan, you always look good.” Had it been anyone but Phil, he’d have thought Phil was really annoyed.

“Phil, that’s not actually my point here.” 

Phil gave him his patented adorably clueless look. Half the time it was real; infuriatingly this was one of those times. “Dan, what are you on about?”

“Fuck me any way you like and _you’ll_ know I’m okay with it. And I’ll know _I’m_ okay with it because we both know if anyone _isn’t_ it’s because we know when to stop. And how to say stop.” Dan covered his face. “Why are you making me say all these things?” 

“Dan, I have no idea what you just _said_ , how is this my fault?” Phil laughed, soft-like. Kind but confused.

Dan couldn’t even bring himself to find a new way to explain; maybe there really weren’t words. Because what he felt for Phil was as much about trusting them together as himself or Phil alone. 

“Well, just trust me then,” he said, muffled behind his palms, “it’s fucking romantic. And I like the way you look when you come.” 

Phil looked at him for a long moment. Dan peeked between his fingers, face burning, then yelped when Phil fucking _flipped_ him over without warning, using all of those boxing and yoga muscles to manhandle him onto his stomach. _Jesus fucking Christ_ that was hot. As was when Phil bruised Dan’s hips, wrenching them up; when he used his knees to spread Dan’s so far apart it almost hurt. When he flipped Dan’s skirt up and over his back and snapped the elastic bands of the garter belt holding the stockings up. Dan whined and bit his fist at the tiny flares of pain. 

“You gonna spank me if I get too loud?” he managed. It was hot—so hot—but the turn from laughter to confessional to... _this_...was a bit much. Dan felt stripped, and so, so vulnerable. Phil spanked him then; not too hard, not as hard as Dan could take, but hard enough to make him squeak with surprise. Dan giggled at the absurdity of the noises he was making when Phil spanked him again, harder. The _smack_ of it cracked through the room, the solid contact reverberating up and through Dan, snapping the taut chords of tension the too-present over-thinking part of his mind had begun weaving. 

That vulnerability didn’t go away. It shifted, taking on a nuance that made everything spark hotter, leaving Dan’s skin and muscles and heart hungry for more. Phil spread his asscheeks with hot palms. He didn’t touch Dan anywhere other than the possessive cupping of each cheek. Instead he stared, both of them still in the near silence, the only sound between them were Dan’s broken inhales. It was unbearably intimate even after all these years, how Phil could make him feel like an object, like something just to be admired, something about to be used. Dan fucking loved that. He liked being tossed onto a bed, being spread open, being owned. He loved his skin too hot from Phil’s hands, his ass sore from being spanked, knowing his ass was about to be a whole lot more sore if Phil ever actually got on with it. 

“I _will_ find a way to shut you up if you need,” Phil said absently when Dan ground that very sentiment out. 

“Promise?” Dan breathed, delighted when Phil laughed, more delighted when he dug his fingernails into Dan’s too-sensitive flesh. 

“You know,”—he was dripping lube all down Dan’s crack, making a right mess of him and the bed—“ten minutes ago you were ready to go watch _Bake Off_ and now you’re gagging for it. What d’you think that says about you?”

Dan grunted when Phil worked one finger in; not rough, but utilitarian. Not foreplay but a promise. Something good was coming. 

“That I’m desperately easy?” Dan moaned when Phil pushed another finger in. He breathed through the slight burn, bore down and took Phil easily once he reminded his body, firmly, it knew how to do this. That fucking and being fucked by Phil was muscle memory. 

Phil laughed, fingers pausing for a moment. Dan could see him so clearly in his mind’s eye, how his eyes would be crinkled up, delighted, tongue against his teeth. People thought they knew Phil, but they had no idea. No one knew this Phil, the one who could be rough, who knew what he wanted and took it, who pushed Dan to his limits and was somehow, always, ridiculously fucking _cute_. 

Dan smiled into the sheets while Phil took him apart systematically, all quiet laughter and messy moans as he wrapped his hands over the edge of the mattress. And then it was just breathlessness and each of Phil’s fingertips bruising tight as he pulled Dan onto his cock. It was each point of contact holding him together and breaking him apart. It was fast and Dan never did get to see Phil’s o-face. But that was okay because Phil had barely pulled out and flipped onto his back before getting his mouth back on Dan’s cock and Dan knew for a _fact_ Phil missed his too. He watched Phil the whole time, the lovely red flush of his cheeks and the sweating mess of his hair and how his eyelashes fluttered like they did when he was dreaming. 

“God,” Phil huffed, half slumped onto Dan and sweating after Dan had come, “we should really fail at sex more often.” 

“Hm.” Dan ran his palm down Phil’s arm. Snuggles were nice and all, but he was gross and he needed these stockings off about fourteen years ago. “Think if I shower fast enough we can still watch _Bake Off_ and get to bed at a reasonable hour?” 

“Why are we being reasonable?” Phil asked around a yawn. 

“Fuck if I know. You’re the old man, I’m just the tart you picked up somewhere. If I’m going to be in it for the money I have to make sure I keep you going for a while.” 

“I don’t know why I keep getting blamed for this. Or what money has to do with this, you gave that all away for free.” Phil rolled over and kissed Dan’s shoulder. “This was all your idea.” He ran a hand over Dan’s hipbone, then along the garter belt. He unhooked Dan’s stockings, kissing the red marks left on Dan’s thighs as he went. 

“I’d say literally anything right now, but I’m pretty sure you’d find a way to make it seem romantic, and I’m not falling for that again.” Dan sat up to do the actual work of rolling the stockings down, grunting as each sore and uncomfortable part of his body spoke up. 

“Sure, bub,” Phil said, blue eyes rolling even as he stood and helped pull Dan out of the bed. “Explain it as well as you did before. I promise not to understand a thing you said anyway.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this, you can [reblog](https://judearaya.tumblr.com/post/190158895842/fic-nuance-phan) on tumblr and I'll <3 forever!


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